apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
