PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
