Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
