had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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