he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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