What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
