I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
