A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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