he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
