Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
