please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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