You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
