So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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