someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
bring money and cleavage
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
