What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
