Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
