So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
