First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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