Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
