So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
