I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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