you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
