I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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