You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
