Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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