Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
