well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
