I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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