When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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