suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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