try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
