I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
