I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
