I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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