i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
