i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
