we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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