I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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