Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Randomize
