T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The air taste purple.
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