Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
