we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
