Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
