dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
