I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it's like iHOP with fire
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
