OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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