Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
