so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
