after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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