Banned from zoo.
Again?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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