I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I miss vodka workout Fridays
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
