I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize