are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
