last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
