Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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