It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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