Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
