Tell her she can't have a vagina
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
