I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
