i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
