Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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