You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
