I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize