Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
