Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats donโt eat my face?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ๐๐ผ
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf โIโm wfh tomrw. Nooner? ๐ฆโ
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize