I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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