and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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