Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she smelled like a LAN party
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
