His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
