please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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