He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
