Small penises have feelings too.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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