Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
