woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
