I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
