I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
