And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
